He has no assets.
It’s Exhausting For the Family
© by Macteacher 2013
My father has reached his seventies without saving a penny. If not for my mother’s pension, they would be out on the street.
Almost as Bad as the Gambling…the Lying
Gam-Anon and other organizations preach forgiveness above all else. It was money she was counting on to supplement their income when they reached their eighties. By that time, the damage is done and it is usually irreversible.
A man who has spent a lifetime telling other people how to invest for emergencies has ended up penniless. In order to keep their secret they will lie to anyone, spouses, children, parents, coworkers and friends. Money is slowly siphoned from the source until there is nothing left. Gamblers will function quite well as long as they have a ready source of cash, such as a family member or income from a business or investments. You just get worn out and tired, just really tired.
They Usually End Up Penniless
It’s Never Enough
When we uncovered my father’s gambling addiction, the devastation to my family unit was irreparable. This is not something I should have to worry about with people who earned a good living during their work lives. He never saw any reason to purchase any property or make any sound investments. Deep down they hate themselves for their habit, but like children, they are unwilling to come clean.
A gambler’s true addiction is money. We figured it out because my father had tripped himself up by trying to cover his tracks. They make financial decisions based on how much money they can hoard for gambling. Any adult child of a compulsive gambler who thinks they will see any type of inheritance is fooling themselves.. If it had not been for my quick thinking, they would have lost everything.
Some gamblers do experience big payoffs, but the money is quickly spent on placing more, and bigger bets. My sister and I have struggled for most of our adult lives to build a healthy respect for money. Part of me wonders how he sat down over breakfast every morning with a woman who has taken care of him for 50 years, while he was robbing her blind. Any financial relief is out of reach because no matter how much money a gambler can get their hands on, it is never enough to satisfy their insatiable craving for betting.
Even though I know it is a disease and he really can’t help himself, part of me resents him for not being adult enough to seek help sooner. I also resent all the money that my grandparents left being swallowed up by his disease. Gamblers do not think any further ahead than the next bet. Money is what they need to fuel their habit of placing bets, whether it be lotto cards, horse racing or blackjack. I’ve been talking to a disease for most of my life, not a real father. He was a fairly successful insurance man with 50 years in the business, yet when the true extent of his addiction came to light last year, we were dumbfounded. It has been almost a year since the truth was revealed, and I am still angry at the waste and the bleak future my parents face as their fixed income slowly becomes inadequate to meet their needs as they get older. In the blink of an eye, more than half was gone. It’s a twisted mindset that allows them to blow everything they have while bills go unpaid. They spend their lives trying to cover their tracks. This makes gambling a very tough addiction to break, because like food addictions, the gambler is addicted to something they have to use in everyday life – money.
This is another symptom of the compulsive gambler: Their skewed relationship with money. Gambling is a disease after all, and you can’t blame someone for being sick. They view money as something to play with, almost like Monopoly money. They live their lives in a fantasy world where the next big win is right around the corner.
How Do They Live With Themselves?
It’s Not Just The Betting
The other insidious thing about problem gamblers or compulsive gamblers is the pathological lying. He was never generous with money, even though he always had a wad of bills in his pocket. As an adult child I also am suddenly worried about having to support my parents at some point. As it turned out, my father had helped himself to an annuity my mother had religiously contributed to every month for 25 years during the course of her teaching career. We’ve both finally reached a place of sanity and serenity in our own lives.
The most insidious thing about gambling is that a gambler who has access to money can literally support their habit for many years without getting caught. How does someone live with themselves?
The other part of me resents his obsession with money and being the hot shot while I was growing up. Money enables the gambler to “stay in the action,” a gambling term for active betting. I know that I will eventually have to forgive, right now I’m just trying to figure out how to sit in the same room with a parent that I never actually liked or trusted. The sum total of my father’s income is now a meager Social Security check. As most adult children of any kind of addict know, it’s not that you actually hate them – that’s too toxic to carry around. This was In addition to fudging bank statements so that she didn’t know he was siphoning off their other savings account. He has no savings, and he is too old to make up for lost time. He had money for expensive vacations, expensive jewelry and nice cars, but paying for his kids college education was out of his reach. Their low self esteem compels them to live like high rollers – and spend on luxuries when they can’t even pay the mortgage.
Gamblers Can Keep on Going…
My father’s inability to own up to his destructive behavior is a big reason for my current unwillingness to speak to him. This inability to plan for the future is another symptom of the disease of compulsive gambling. His weird relationship with money was passed on to his kids